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26 December 2015 @ 08:22 pm
u know its holidays when  
can you tell im going through it?

^apparently from my previous post
anyway.

u know it's holidays when you get asked if you have a boyfriend and then get asked how old you are and then someone tells you it's time
like.. leave me alone lol

i have relationship issues and honestly more recenty i've been going through it. i've been going through it alone in my head. i used to be able to chat with my friend about it, but she got into a relationship and ever since then i dont think she's willing to relate or leaving space like honest space open for me to talk about it because she's so into her own thing.  literally everything she talks about is her boyfriend..keith this, keith that..and honestly i'm happy for her but i'm also feeling very like.. *singled* out

there's a ton of unfortunate things that happen in the world when your single.

  • if you want to join for 3rd wheel, everyone asks why you're not in a relationship

  • you're a 3rd wheel; ignored

  • something is wrong with you, because your 26 and it's time

  • when people ask you about something like that it's like wtf, like do you even care about me outside of my relationships status

the only people ill talk to about my relationship life are people that i know care about it outside of that.. anyway yeah, like i've been uber sensitive about my relationship status for a while like at least 9 months.. i'm so over it

like i feel lonley, then i feel frustrated i feel like that, then i want to be in a relationship because i just want to start building with someone .. like i dont wan to have sex, i want a connecion.. like i dont know plus my fukin eggs are gonna implode in about 4 more years :/
even friends i thought wouln't be in a relationship are either in one or getting married and honestly that's not a good mindest to have

what i want is to be in a relationship where i feel comfortable and happy and where my partner does to. i want to feel 'equally yolked' like i want you to be young and prfessional as well.. like .. after i write this im probably going to be sad in my room .. i dunno

the moon is full so maybe i'm feeling some type of way.. but i'm def. feeling some type of way
i know nothing is wrong with me, i know i'm worthy, i know i'm special and smart.. i know i'm good.. but my partner ?

like george and jason.. that's my two in boston right now
and honestly.. i dunno with george i love him but sometimes i wish i never met him because i feel so wrapped up and tangled in what we used to be. the hoidays have made me more pensive, i'm more moody today and the question from my aunt triggered it.. i just.. i dunno i feel like people would treat me differently if i wasn't single .. it's fucked up becuase i know people wouldn't care if i was in an unhealthy relationship or not..just as long as i was in one.

i'm upset.. i'm feeling frustrated at my relationship status, i'm irritated that my aunt asked me that question with no context.. like you can't just superficially bring that subject up, i'm just..im good

i'm just going to watch steven universe and cry tonight
like im good 
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: steven universe theme song